Reflections are vital. We cannot live sufficient lives without thinking about our actions, behaviors and emotions in the past moments we have endured. Funny but true – we learn to be our best selves by picking up on the embarrassing, funny, heartwarming, heartbroken and distressing moments that were not expected nor planned to be worthy of remembering as it did. I’ve been doing some self-contemplation about my life, all 22 years (as much of it as I could remember). Finding the time, courage and confidence to leave words of wisdom behind will allow me to find my passion through daily doings and decisions that lead me to where I need to be.
Looking back, I realized that I never had a stable interest in anything. I’ve never had a true passion in a hobby or a career because everything that had been placed in front of me was often of immediate deliverance. I never had to ask for anything I wanted, even if I did desire for it, most of it were given to me. They say, “easy come, easy go” I say, I believe that gratefulness is necessary for every blessing we didn’t seek for. Just always remember to be humble in all that we do. To be honest, I truly did not cherish these “givings.”They were readily available to me, my dad drove 1.5 hours to drop me off at my private piano teacher’s house for practice. This continued on 5 years until I decided to drop out after my last exam. I never skipped a day of dance class until I had a 106 degree fever that forced me to drop out of the annual performance which led me to leave dance class all together. I remember despising my teachers for letting me go because I couldn’t be with my friends anymore. That feeling quickly faded. I never bothered to pick up the tennis rackets if my mother didn’t initiate that I remove my body from sitting in a chair, huddled in front of the screen; I didn’t want to go outside yet alone play tennis. To this day, the tennis balls are still brand new and not a single one is lost. Go figure. I even tried to play handball… that trend faded after middle school so there wasn’t any avaliable company that I could tag along with. Besides, my hands hurt after playing. And then there was swimming, I am too scared to stick my head in the water. So that’s a no until I relieve myself from my internal fear of water.
There’s a tiny amount of happiness if I do find myself to grow attach to something. This usually does occur in the beginning stage where I am extremely happy to have a new experience. As all “good things come to an end,” the freshness of the activity and the excitement that I feel often fades extremely fast. Simply, I just have too little patience and not enough perseverance. When will I realize what my calling in life is if I don’t start to try new activities that can expand my horizon? I guess I’ll sign up for a class or two this week. It doesn’t hurt to learn new skills that will enhance my professional life in the future.